Im at strip club and am horny
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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