ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
