Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
