If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
