I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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