Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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