what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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