First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
