I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am one with the molecules
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
