Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
