They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
