i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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