forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
