I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
