i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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