Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
