This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
