i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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