My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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