Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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