either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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