I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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