it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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