Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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