Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
