I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
