You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
