just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
