my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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