have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
