also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
