This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
