6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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