I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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