is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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