You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
