First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he puts the penis in happiness.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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