Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
