Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
