Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
