dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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