I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
