After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
