Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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