Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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