everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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