So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
