ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm at about main and main street
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
