Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
