The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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