I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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