Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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