so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
